Set your eyes

In 1995, my life came to a screeching halt. I was placed into Charter Hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar. When the doctors first spoke to me, they told my parents that I was on drugs. I had never taken a drug in my life. The doctors gave me lithium and I responded to it. Lithium is the drug of choice for bipolar. While I was at Charter, I received Christian counseling through Rapha. Rapha is the Hebrew word for Healer - Our God Heals.

Little would I know that my life was going to change. I had high hopes and dreams before bipolar but the course of my life would change after this diagnosis. After I came home from the hospital, I went into a major depression. This depression would last nine, long months. I cried a lot, journaled my emotions and went to counseling. I felt so alone and like no one understood. It felt like God was no where to be found.

As a Christian, I knew God loved me but I couldn't understand why I was going through this deep depression. I served Him faithfully and used my gifts and talents for His service. How could a good God allow one of His children to suffer? God’s ways are perfect. He can take what’s wrong and make things right. He has taken what is so bad about bipolar and turned it for my good.

After I came out of the depression, my life went back to normal. In 2003, I would have another episode of mania and depression. This time I kept my focus on the wrong thing. I focused on my limitations with bipolar. Bipolar became an enemy in my life. Life for me was seen through the lens of bipolar.

In Psalm 121, the Bible says "I will lift up my eyes to the hills-From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber." God wants us to keep our focus on Him and not on our problems. Whenever I gaze at Jesus and glance at my problems, Jesus shows me the way to go. I can either stare at my problems or stare at Jesus. During the past few years, I have learned to gaze and stare at Jesus. I pray you will gaze at Jesus and not be consumed with your problems.